


How did it get to this?

by formalcoral



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Attempted Angst, Character Death, Funerals, Gen, M/M, chansoo and kyungsooxeveryone if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-13 06:43:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20169862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/formalcoral/pseuds/formalcoral
Summary: How did it get to this? What have we done wrong?How ironic. Always the one to play the sadness, even in reality.





	How did it get to this?

**Author's Note:**

> warning: probably failed, attempted angst
> 
> i killed my baby help

Whatever went wrong? Was I doing something wrong, were _we_ doing something wrong, and you were finally fed up with everything? 

But it was your decision, I will respect it. Though we all realize that it was foolish of you. 

What I hate, though, is how it took one of us to disappear to bring the rest of us together.

We didn't spend enough time together. We've learned from that, and even so Chanyeol won't stop crying. We had to send him home, and we think he's sitting in your room crying again.

One month. We are still weeping. The rest of the world have finished grieving for us. We have opened our eyes, and I'm beginning to see what you may have seen in us.

I hate it, you would tell us to stop hanging up on your death and just move on, like the world. Perhaps you wanted us to fit in a lot more. 

We are not the world. 

In the universe, we are smaller than an ant. It does not matter whether a few ants do not fit in or not. 

You didn't finish your last song. Making ten songs took longer than you thought. You probably thought it would take less time.

The world may have upset you to the last straw, and you couldn't take it anymore.

In total you have fourteen songs, not including instrumentals. We don't like instrumentals anymore, instrumentals don't have your voice in them.

It's not enough for us. It will never be enough. 

We released the songs on YouTube. SM told us to take it down and put it under their company name. We didn't. Is that okay? 

It's surprising. It has to take somebody to disappear to make records. Congratulations, you broke our record for having the most views on solo songs. All ten of them did.

Chanyeol released the incomplete song on a whim, caring less whether it's incomplete or not. 

He and your fans, Dandanies, think the same. As long as we get a little bit, we're okay.

Chanyeol's not okay. We aren't, either. 

You're smart enough to know that committing suicide is the most cowardly thing man has ever done. It beats everything in terms of cowardice.

Yet you do it. Surely you had learned from our hyungs, but instead this happened.

How long have you been thinking of doing this? A long time, probably. Seeing as how long you spent making the songs sound perfect, it must've taken a year.

Bastard. Who do you think you are?

If you have been feeling upset, you could've came to us! Tell me what is wrong! Tell _us_ what is wrong. 

I'm sure you trust us. I would tell you to tell us next time whenever you feel bad.

How ironic. You always play the person in demise. You even do it in reality. 

No matter what, you can't do it again here. Don't play with life again.

Ah right. No more again. 

Whenever I think of your life, hyung, I always think of the little snippet of MY LADY that we played in the EXO'rDIUM. Simple, beautiful, and short. And short in time.

It's really similar. You sang, and everyone cheered. When the minute was over, everyone was in shock.

We were in shock, too, when the hospital called saying that you were killed in a car accident.

_Accident_.

No. The whole thing was staged.

No matter what, I cannot understand what made you feel so disgusted to go to the length to disappear from the world.

Hyung, we will learn from your mistake. And if you remember yourself in your next life, remember how you were wonderful, and then you made yourself into who you are today.

I can't even step into my studio anymore. All I can think about is how I watched you sing in there as I play the guitar.

I feel like I'm going crazy. Though I know I must get over your death, like how you would say so, I still find myself clinging onto you.

I can already feel how the rest of my life is going to feel. An empty gap next to me, just like how the EXplOration felt. I even cried during that, and it wasn't because of you.

I'm just glad you wouldn't scold me for crying. Because you would understand, and help me get through this.

You're not here though, that's the thing. 

In our eleven hearts, there's a missing part. And it's heart shaped.

-

We walk up your coffin together. We all are holding flowers. Two for each of us.

There are twenty-two flowers in your coffin now. We hope you are okay with that.

Flowers, however, is not our parting gift. One by one, we press a kiss onto your cheek.

That is when we realize with a startle, that you are smiling. With an epiphany, we see that you have been smiling the whole time. Not the beautiful heart when you're beaming, but a small shy smile.

We guess that if you parted with a smile, then we're alright with that. We will move on with a smile as well, to show you how we have learnt from you as well.

**Author's Note:**

> of course, none of this is real, but i fucking don't want to jinx if my bby actually dies  
each paragraph, it's a different person's thoughts. won't say who it is.  
but i was too lazy to do all 7 though oOF
> 
> the song is actually inspired by the live MY LADY my bby sang in their third concert, the EXO'rDIUM. you can find it on spotify.


End file.
